It's 2011. Now fat be gone.

I've been fat for about 20 years. It's comfortable and safe. It explains my poor wardrobe choices, lack of boyfriend, and my hermit lifestyle. Being fat has allowed me to not care or try. It's been great.

Unfortunately, my age is catching up to me and my body is rebelling against the extra weight by starting a guerilla war against me. I am victim to insomnia, joint pain, heartburn, diarrhea, cramps, and a never ending litany of other annoyances. I am throwing in the white towel. It's time to give in before I give out.

So my resolution for 2011 is to lose 30 pounds. May lord of mercy on my soul!